How to end thumb-sucking

/

Q: I’m wondering how to get my 21-month-old to stop sucking her thumb, since I can see her front tooth getting worn down. She sucks it for comfort when she gets upset, when she is bored and to go to sleep at night.

A: You’ve certainly asked the right person — I had a thumb-sucker myself. (Notice the emphasis on “had.”)

Sucking is one of the most common ways babies and toddlers comfort and settle themselves. Many – like my daughter, Olivia, for instance – start in the womb. According to Cary lactation consultant Cindi Freeman, “Sucking is a normal and necessary biological activity for young children that can last well beyond their weaning from the breast and bottle.”

And sucking on a thumb has several advantages over a pacifier. For one, thumbs are always handy and are under the child’s own control. There’s no crawling around on the floor in the dark looking for a lost paci, no need for constant replugging during the night, and no concern about increased ear infections. (According to a study in Pediatrics, pacifiers may cause 40% more ear infections, or acute otitis media.)

There’s something so sweet and endearing about seeing a baby drifting of to sleep with thumb in mouth. But when they get to be preschoolers, it’s not so cute. Knowing a surplus of germs was going straight into my daughter’s mouth several times daily was, well, hard to swallow. When she turned four we decided to take action.

We consulted her older brother’s orthodontist in Raleigh, Dr. Herbert Land, who, it turned out, was quite accomplished at helping to end thumb sucking. “We love thumb-suckers,” said Allison Williams, Dr. Land’s patient coordinator. “We recommend that children stop sucking their thumbs between the ages of 4 and 6 years old, but they must stop before permanent teeth erupt.”

Thumb-sucking after permanent teeth erupt may result in protruding front teeth, an irregular bite or cross-bite, warping of the jaw, facial asymmetry, speech problems and mouth breathing, Williams said.

Together, Olivia and Dr. Land came up with a star chart and plan of attack that included wearing socks on her hands at night. (Like many children, Olivia’s weakness was when she was sleepy. Hence, the socks.)

Let me say for the record, I wish I had my daughter’s willpower. She was done with the thumb within days. She proudly marched into Dr. Land’s office when her chart was filled and got the reward she earned.

It might be challenging to bargain with a 21-month-old, though. I recommend an attempt at behavior modification using something like a star chart to motivate her. If, however, you believe there is damage happening to your daughter’s teeth, consult with a respected orthodontist or pediatric dentist who’s been successful in helping young children give up thumb-sucking. As with any behavior modification program, the key to success is consistency.

We tend to hear the horror stories about thumb-suckers who continue the habit well into their teen years or beyond. And though it’s true that you can’t take away a thumb the way you can a pacifier, many children stop on their own once they find new ways to calm and comfort themselves.

Support others in their mothering decisions instead of judging

/

Q: Now that I’m returning to work, I’ve made the decision to pump exclusively and bottle feed. I’ve been getting a lot of pressure to keep breastfeeding from other mothers in a support group I attend and it’s really concerning me. I’ve told them my husband and I are comfortable with the decisions we’ve made. What else can I do?

A: I am so sorry you feel pressured to make decisions that may not be best for your family. To address this, I’ve decided to revisit an old blog post. But first, let me say that this is the beginning of learning to advocate for your family. You will come across this feeling of “pressure” many times in the years to come. Learning how to handle it with grace, confidence and clarity will go a long way toward your peace of mind. That comes with listening to your gut as well as listening to your baby. He will help you know what is best, not your neighbors.

So to those who are not supporting your decisions, here’s what I know about parenting and raising children: regardless of what you may believe, there is NO one right way. Your way is not the only way to do things.

There is not one way to feed. Yes, I am a breastfeeding advocate and hope for all mothers and babies to have the experience as well as the long list of health benefits that come from it. But I’ve seen many circumstances where, for one reason or another, it wasn’t working, including because the mother simply didn’t want to breastfeed. It’s my place to provide knowledge, information and guidance, and then ultimately to support the mother’s decisions that are best for her family. Not my family. Hers.

And for those who think they must criticize the breastfeeders, get over it. It’s feeding a baby. Food, sustenance, fuel, nutrition. Let it go already.

There is no right or wrong about staying home with your child versus going back to work. Or using an in-home nanny versus daycare. Or hiring help to get your baby sleeping better instead of toughing it out on your own. These are personal decisions that have many, many subtle – or not so subtle – components factoring into them. They are not up for discussion by outsiders who don’t walk in the same shoes or have all the facts.

What difference does it make to you anyway? How does your neighbor’s choice affect you? My unprofessional analysis is that others judge because it makes them feel better about their own different decisions. In some weird way, those who are judging and ridiculing others must subconsciously think that THEIR choices may be wrong, so they criticize to feel right.

And since I’m not a psychologist and I don’t play one on TV, I decided to ask a real one what her take is on these mommy wars I’ve seen play out over and over again.

“People resort to harsh or negative judgments of others for various reasons. Some people are convinced of the ‘rightness’ of their stance, others are insecure and only feel OK about what they’re doing if they put down others. And honestly, some people just like gossip,” says Lisa Sacco, a licensed psychologist in Cary. “Regardless of the reasons for it, it’s a waste of time and energy.”

Agreed.

We don’t know where others are coming from – what their life with baby (or babies) started off like. It could have been a miserable, colicky beginning. The parents may have done whatever they could in the early months just to survive.

Good for you for the choices you make for your family. Now let’s practice supporting others in their choices as well.

Doula helps transition babies into their cribs

/

(This is a guest posting from Erica Aday.)

As I drive to my overnight sleep client’s home, I find myself thinking about the next few nights with the family and wondering exactly how things will evolve. This will be my first night with these 5-month-old twins, and I will be transitioning them from sleeping swaddled and upright in swings to sleeping in their cribs without swaddles. 

The twins have been waking almost hourly each night, requiring pacifiers or to be rocked back to sleep again. At this stage of the game, they are not getting the deep, restorative sleep they need sleeping in swings, and their parents are exhausted and frustrated. The babies wake for the day cranky and overtired, which only leads to more poor daytime sleep. They’ve been taking 30-minute catnaps at best.

I remind myself, as I’ve often explained to concerned parents, that babies are creatures of habit and they respond well to consistency and routine. It will be my mission to begin the process of helping these twins recognize and adjust to a new routine.

I’ve been communicating with the parents for more than a week, making small adjustments to the existing feeding and sleep schedule to gradually prepare for this change. I’ve consulted with Pam Diamond, a doula and expert sleep consultant, and together we’ve designed a plan to help this family discard their sleep crutches and replace them with healthy sleep habits to finally achieve the nights of peaceful, uninterrupted slumber for which they are longing. 

The first night always requires consistency, patience, gentle care and crossed fingers, and it goes as well as I could’ve hoped. Then, within two nights, the twins are waking only once or twice and are going back to sleep on their own. Two two-hour long naps have replaced the 30 minute catnaps.

In less than two weeks, the twins are consistently getting 12 hours of peaceful sleep at night and are napping well by day, and the family, needless to say, is much happier and well rested. Once again, mission accomplished!

Erica Aday has logged hundreds of hours caring for babies – singletons, twins and triplets – across the Triangle since becoming a postpartum doula. She especially enjoys assisting families with early sleep shaping, sleep training and creating healthy routines. She lives in Cary with her husband and two children.

Why I Heart Coconut Oil & DIY Deodorant

/

Coconut oil is HEAVEN.

Now firstly if you shout at me “What about the saturated fat” you should know that the saturated fat in coconut is not like the long-chain saturated fats in animal products which are harmful, but they are medium-chain fatty acids which have numerous health benefits including supporting the immune system, hormone production, thyroid function, maintaining & supporting the function of the nervous system & support cardiovascular health as well being able to lower cholesterol!! WOW.

Read More